Tell me something and be brutally honest: are you one of those guys who still pays a woman's way on a date? I'm no mind-reader, but I'll bet I know the answer...
Of course you're paying for women on dates. And that's why this URGENT TIP is aimed directly at you: you need to STOP IT. Right NOW.
I know, I know... You think you're impressing her. Scoring points. But here's the shocking (and slightly counter-intuitive) fact:
PAYING A WOMAN'S WAY ON A DATE ACTUALLY *DECREASES* YOUR CHANCE OF SUCCESS WITH HER.
Stay with me, since the reasons for all this can sound as misleading as they are simple.
For our purposes, I want you to consider "traditional dinner dates" to be a thing of the past. History. As far as we're concerned, they're now officially EXTINCT.
Why?
Because when you ask a woman out and then pay for the date, you're making her think of you in THE COMPLETELY WRONG WAY.
Pretty profound, I know. But please, hold the applause.
Let me explain this a little more...
A lot of good research suggests that women think men, who are potential mates, fall into one of two categories. I call these categories "Lover" and "Provider".
The basic idea goes like this:
In a "traditional" boy-meets-girl situation, the girl makes a decision early on whether you're the type of guy that she should get physically involved with quickly (spelled A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-O- N), or if you're of the "nicer" type (spelled W-U-S-S-Y) that would be glad to "prove" himself to her by paying for lots of expensive dates, buying flowers, etc.
I realize that I'm generalizing here, and that I'm being a bit extreme... but I'm making a point, so go with me.
A very common approach that men use is the old "Can I take you out sometime?" line.
At first glance, it sounds innocent enough.
It has the ring of "I'm a nice guy, and I'd like to take you to dinner so I have a chance to get to know you better" to it, right?
Well, it may seem that way at first glance, but let's get a little deeper into what ELSE you're saying when you ask a question like this one (or start off by paying for dinner, etc.).
Here are a few of the OTHER LESS OBVIOUS things that you're saying when you offer to "take a woman out".
1) You're starting off the relationship RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING by offering to buy something for her, and more importantly YOU'RE SETTING AN EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this, you're setting an expectation that you're going to do this from NOW ON.
2) You're subtly saying, "I feel like I need to use a bribe to get you to see me again". I'm sure that men have been bribing women with food and gifts since the dawn of our species. Does this sound far-fetched to you? Check out how our closest relatives, the chimps use food to persuade females to have sex with them. No, really.
3) Once you "take a woman out" and prove to her beyond the shadow of a doubt that you like to pay for things, you set a whole series of other subconscious expectations in place. Without going into detail, most of these other expectations will only lead her thinking of you in the "nice guy" category, and costing you time and money that you might as well have thrown down a rat hole.
4) By going out to a typical nice restaurant setting, you start a whole chain of events that often leads to two people looking at each other over a candle, in a loud room full of other people, with a typically uncomfortable "OK, so tell me about yourself and don't ask me too many personal questions please" look on your faces.
I don't know about you, but this just isn't my idea of a good time.
So, what's the alternative?
Thought you'd never ask.
Success with women is about becoming the type of man that NATURALLY attracts them. Becoming the type of man who projects power, confidence, and masculinity. The kind of cool, charismatic guy that other men want to emulate and women LOVE to be seen with.
Of course, there's a lot that goes into eliminating all the "uncool" baggage and habits that guys carry around like man-purses, usually without even realizing it.
The inner "wussy" that sabotages your success with women can be sneaky. In fact, sometimes it's hard to see even when it's staring straight back at you from the mirror.
You can post a comment. Its working
ReplyDeleteIt's not that this is wrong, it's that it's not right either. You can pay for a woman's dinner, you can pay for ANYONE's dinner, anytime you want. But if you do it because you are expecting something in return, you lose. If you do it because you feel obligated, you lose. If you do it to impress, you lose. If you pay for someone cause you're paying and it's sincerely not a big deal, you do it all the time, and they can get you back later or whatever, then you are probably "the dude". And people like the dude. But not because he pays for shit. It's something you kind of have to see. If a lady looks at you like a meal ticket instead of the kind of guy she's treating to dinner next time, then that's a different problem. That's her.
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